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I Thought my Daughter was Dying

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I’ve been putting off writing this post for several days. I wanted to write it the day after this whole thing happened. I didn’t have time. All weekend I didn’t have time. Today, I wrote the title and sat and starred at it for some time without writing a word. What I’m trying to figure out is if I really haven’t found the time to write it because it’s too painful or because I’m just haven’t been ready? Today I feel the need to finally get all of this out. I don’t really have friends that I talk to. I have my husband and I have my mom, but my real therapy is writing to get things out so here I go…

Addy and Elmo
Last Wednesday night Addy had a fever of 101.6 with no other symptoms. She hadn’t been in daycare or anywhere for that matter for 3+ weeks since I have been on maternity leave so I was pretty sure she wasn’t sick. The only thing I could come up with was that she had a fever because her two year molars were coming in. I gave her some medicine to lower the fever and put her to bed for some rest. The next morning she had a fever of 101 and again, I gave her some medicine. She was fine all day and played, still with no other symptoms. In the afternoon she wouldn’t even take a nap and wanted to play. She did have one diaper that was pretty loose and messy but that was all. My husband got home from work around 5:30 pm and went to play with the kids while I was nursing Baby Annie. About ten minutes later LA came to me and said “mommy, Addy wants you”. I told him to tell her to come to mommy since I was nursing Annie. She never came and I never thought anything about it. A few minutes later my husband came into the room carrying Addy and this is where my nightmare began.

“She’s not responding to me honey! What’s wrong with her!? See if she’ll respond to you.” His voice was scared. I looked up and her eyes were closed and her head was resting on his shoulder. I said her name rather loudly, several times and she moved slightly and tried to open her eyes but all I saw were her eyes looking up and not at me. I put Annie down and was ready to call 911 when I realized my husband was out the door and I thought he was getting in the car to take her to the ER. I ran out and realized he had called 911 and I grabbed Addy from him. Her whole body was limp, she still hadn’t responded to us or said a word. Her lips were turning blue and it looked like she couldn’t breathe. I wasn’t sure what was going on but I was thinking maybe she had swallowed something and it got stuck in her throat and she couldn’t breathe. If that was the case, I told myself, we were running out of time to save her. If she couldn’t breathe and we couldn’t get something out of her throat, she would be dying. The 911 operator told us to lay her on a flat surface. I ran to the kitchen with her and laid her on the floor. He told me to put both my hands just below her belly button and push.  Nothing happened. I tried to open her mouth to see if I could see something in her airway. There was blood and her teeth were clinched together. I couldn’t get in her mouth but I did get blood on my hand, which scared me even more. Why was she bleeding? What was happening to my little girl? My husband and I were both yelling at the 911 operator to hurry up and get someone here! We were scared out of our minds. The only thing we knew was that our daughter was playing one minute and collapsed the next minute and we couldn’t wake her up.

Addy SmilingMinutes later a police officer showed up. She immediately took Addy into her arms and made sure she was breathing. She then turned her over and started hitting her back, which was something the 911 operator told me NOT to do. I quickly told her that and she said if there was something stuck in her throat we needed to get it out. She then laid Addy back down on the kitchen floor and said that she felt very hot and asked about any recent issues. I barely remember anything I said and all I could see was my lifeless little girl laying on the kitchen floor. Another police officer, the fire department and the EMS then showed up. They quickly evaluated her and told us they would be taking her to the hospital. Poor LA was asking what was wrong with Addy and I felt so helpless not being able to tell him anything. He had to be scared out of his mind too seeing his mama and daddy as scared as we were. I quickly got my shoes on to ride in the ambulance with Addy and told my husband to call our neighbor to watch LA and to bring Annie with him to the hospital (since I am exclusively nursing her). I got in the ambulance and they assured me that they had brought the ER to her and would take great care of her. They asked me some questions. They were trying to get an IV in her arm but couldn’t. She had finally started to cry and that was the best noise I’ve ever heard. Although it was a weak cry, it meant she was alive. They then asked me to get on the stretcher and hold her to calm her down and proceeded to tell me that her temp was 103.3 and rising. One of the guys put his hand on my arm and looked at me and told me to stay calm but they were about to turn on the lights and sirens to get her to the hospital as soon as they could. He also explained to me that he believed she had a seizure. He said that her temperature is high and toddlers cannot regulate their body temperatures as well as adults can and if the temp gets too high the body will shut down and restart itself with a seizure.

A seizure was something I never thought of since she wasn’t shaking uncontrollably. As I rode to the hospital holding my little girl I was still worried. Every time her cry faded out and it got quiet, I looked more intently at her to make sure she was breathing and I called her name each time. They assured me that she was just exhausted and she was falling asleep, but that wasn’t reassuring to me when I saw them react every time she got quiet, too. They would call her name, move her arms and check her heart rate. To me it seemed they weren’t quite sure themselves.

We arrived at the hospital and as soon as they removed us from the back of the ambulance and the cold air hit Addy she cried louder. She barely had clothes on since they removed them in hopes of helping to lower her body temperature. They told me to hold my coat around her the best I could but she still felt that cold air and she already had goose bumps. When we got into the ER they took her from me and immediately started checking her vitals. At this point her fever had gone up to 104.7.

At the ER they also believed she had a febrile seizure. They gave her Motrin and Tylenol to bring her fever down and started the IV that the EMTs couldn’t get in. They did a flu test, an RSV test, a strep test, a urine test and they all came back negative. They said they saw a slight ear infection, which they believed caused her fever.  They also gave her an antibiotic via IV before they released her from the hospital.

Addy BDay
At this point I stopped writing and couldn’t publish my post. I waited over a week to come back to this and finish it…here goes…

That night and every night since I’ve been terrified to leave her in her room alone. She slept by my side the first night and I checked her temp what seemed like every 15 minutes. I am terrified of fevers now. Our pediatrician told us that the seizure was most likely brought on because the fever came on quickly and rose very fast. Even though we were told this will most likely never happen again, I worry now that I will miss a fever and she’ll seiz again. That was the most terrifying moment in my life. My husband and I both thought we were losing our little girl. In the days since, she’s been running a slight fever but she’s been fine overall. Last night (for the first time ever) she fell asleep in her high chair at dinner. I called her name a few times and she didn’t reply and I, again, thought something happened. My heart was racing before I realized she had just fallen asleep and after a bit of moving her and calling her name we were able to wake her.

Addy in HeartsIt’s been nearly two weeks and every time I walk into the kitchen I still see her lifeless body laying on the floor and me yelling her name in desperation. The outfit she had on and the cloth diaper she had on both bring back the memories of her laying there and me being terrified. I thank God every day that our little girl is still with us. What I realized after all of this is how much my husband and I need to take a child CPR and safety class. We honestly didn’t know what to do and I feel incredibly dumb for that. If she had been choking, I wouldn’t have known what to do. When she wasn’t responding, I didn’t know what to do and even more I was afraid that I could harm her by trying anything since I didn’t know what was wrong or what to do. How could I have not thought to take a class that can save my child’s life? I can’t help but think about what could have happened and how it could have been our faults that we didn’t know how to save her. Please, please, please….if you have children at home or are having a baby, please take a CPR and safety class so you won’t find yourself in the same situation. It’s so very important as a parent to know how to react in any situation. Anything can happen within seconds…be prepared.

 

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Comments

  1. Oh how scary!!! I teared up reading this, I just can’t even imagine. I’m so glad everything ended up alright – and thank you for sharing your story and bringing awareness to other parents! ((hugs)) <3 <3 <3

  2. I don’t even know what to say because I am sitting here crying after holding my breath. I am so so glad that she is okay, and I’m so sorry you ever had to go through that. As an EMT’s wife, I agree, it’s VERY important ( should be a law) to know CPR. However, you are NOT dumb and none of this is your fault. Things happen. She’s alive, she’s happy (and damn adorable), it is okay. {{hug}} You are a strong momma, thank you for sharing your story and encouraging others.
    Mandi recently posted…The Toy Story plus Monsters Inc plus Despicable Me Birthday Cake!My Profile

  3. Oh mama, I’m hysterical for you. You must have been terrified. I am so sorry you and your husband had to endure such a painful ordeal. I’m so glad everything turned out okay. I’m sure it will take you some time to recover from this, and give yourself all the time you need.
    Continued prayers for you and your (beautiful!) little girl.

  4. April i’m in tears. I can’t even imagine how scared you and your husband were. This is so brave of you to write, and to encourage other parents to take CPR class. It’s better to know and not need then to need and not know. Im so glad she’s doing better.

    • Thanks so much Polly! <3 It was scary! Very scary! Definitely agree that CPR is better to know and not need than to need and not know! So scary when something is happening to your child and you’ve no idea how to help. :( Thanks for stopping by and reading!

  5. Oh my gosh! Like the others, I cried while reading this. Such a scary situation that I pray I never have to witness! Thank you for sharing your story and bringing awareness to the importance of knowing CPR!!
    Whitney Jordan recently posted…The Zubie Key to My HeartMy Profile

  6. How absolutely frightening. Thank the Lord above, your little girl is okay! Oh sweety, that must have been a NIGHTMARE! Hugs and prayers that it will NEVER happen again!!!!
    Shop with Me Mama (Kim) recently posted…Stampin’ Up! Hip Hip Hooray Card Kit (Giveaway)My Profile

    • Thank you, Kim! Yes, thank God!! It truly was the scariest moment in my parenting life and I pray that we never go through it again too! I wish no one would experience health issues with children. It just seems so unfair! :( Thanks for stopping by and reading! <3

  7. Oh my goodness. So glad that shes okay. It’s been a while since I have had my CPR certificate renewed.. I think I may make it a mandatory thing for me, the hubby and our kids to go do.
    Amy recently posted…What’s your Favorite Kohl’s Spring Fashion? #SpringAtKohlsMy Profile

  8. (((Hugs))) Mama. I’m glad she’s okay.
    Virginia @thatbaldchick recently posted…How Hippo Says Hello and How Gator Says Good-byeMy Profile

  9. Oh my gosh April, this is so scary. I am so happy to hear that your daughter is doing better. I will keep you all in my thoughts!

  10. I’m so glad she is okay, thank you for writing this. Hugs mama
    Monique Eckert recently posted…Zipadee-Zip Swaddle Transition Blanket Giveaway and ReviewMy Profile

  11. (((hugs))) I’m so glad she is ok and I completely understand how hard it must be to go back to normal. I’ll be looking for a child CPR class now and not relying on my training from about 8 years ago and the flyer on my fridge. Thank you for sharing.

  12. Oh I’m so sorry this happened to you guys. You know, I’ve been thinking about taking a CPR class for some weeks now. I’m scared to think what might happen because this is something that keeps coming up. Strange things like this happened before we lost our second son. I can’t survive another loss like that.

    You were very right to question whether the EMS workers were telling you the truth and if they knew what they were doing. So many times they DON’T. One of the reasons we lost my son is because we didn’t push EMS workers to do their jobs instead of trying to be good patients. I will never let that happen again but even better would be to never ever be in that situation. Again, I’m so sorry you had to live through that terror but I’m so glad to hear your baby girl is okay.

  13. christine jessamine says:

    What a crazy situation. I am so happy that she is okay. Thank you for sharing this, I have not thought about taking any type of classes, It would be a good idea.

  14. Keara B. says:

    Even though I don’t know you personally, I’ve been following your blog for a while and have enjoyed seeing your family grow. It broke my heart to read this post because I can’t even imagine the anguish and fear you must have felt. You are a brave woman and a wonderful mama, and I’m so glad to hear your little Addie is okay!

    • Thank you so much, Keara! It was SO incredibly scary but I am so thankful she’s ok! I really appreciate you being a loyal reader and I always appreciate your comments! <3

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